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Re: reply to Larry Cooperman about his thoughts about low self esteem

On Nov 19, 2004, at 4:51 AM, loop.pool wrote:

> Hey Larry,
> You wrote:
> "Now I gave my CD to the Walker brothers, it wasn't looping but it was
> wild and crazy solo guitar that I can't imagine coming from too many
> sources.  Do I have low self esteem because they haven't said anything
> about it?  Well, yes.  I am sad and hurt like a wounded animal on
> speed.
> Why?  WHY!?  Why I am I so rejected by the people I want not to reject
> me?  You don't like me now do you?  My music is bad and I know it."
> Just for a point of information:    For better or for worse,  I 
> recieve about 5-10 CDs a week consistently from
> the international live looping (probably because I've been aggressive 
> about promoting live looping festivals here and around the 
> world)....................week in and week out.    I also produce 
> festivals of found sound, voice and electronics, emerging Santa Cruz 
> Electronica, Dark Ambient music, Creative DJs and Beatboxing during 
> the year so I get all that material as well.   I'm inundated by 
> people's tracks and I honestly try to get to all of them.

Me too.  With New Millennium Guitar I get a lot of mostly boring 
classical guitar stuff which leads me to Tim Mungenast's CD.  What a 
kick!  He gets some of the best clean guitar sounds and his ideas, 
although it has a plethora of major chords and stuff, are so 
interesting!  Thanks Tim if you're reading,  I'm really happy to get a 
hold of your music.
> The Y2K4 Live Looping Festival took me 6 weeks of hard, unpaid and 
> constant work to produce after a very, very
> stressful personal year.   There were travelling artists staying at my 
> home for two weeks after the festival as well.
> I probably was handed a dozen CDs to listen to (and I"m grateful they 
> were shared with me) at the Festival itself.
> I then, immediately had to start preparing for performances at the AES 
> convention, NPR Nashville and the PASIC 
> convention..............again...........all in an attempt to promote 
> the cause of live looping (and my own career <he admits so as not to 
> be disengenuous>).

Damn, I was only kidding there Looper Trooper.  It's this whole self 
esteem thing.
> Long story short,    I've hardly listened to anyone's CDs in the 
> interim time frame because I have had neither the time nor the energy 
> to do so, so my not getting back to
> you is entirely NOT PERSONAL!!!!!!!!!!!   Nor should it reflect on 
> your own self esteem issues.

Well Rick, I've decided I have SLOW self esteem.  Or I will eventually 
self-esteem my rug.  I suggest that Tim watches Oprah and I watch Law 
and Order.
> For what it is worth,  the CD I am most proud about in the past four 
> years is my CD  'Faux Voix'.
> I have, to date, sold a grand total of two CDs here at Loopers Delight 
> since I put it out almost a year ago.
> I was really lucky because I got a couple of really nice reviews out 
> of those sales, but talk about not feeling supported.
> I've sent dozens and dozens of complimentary CDs out to fellow loopers 
> and journalists and have only generated
> two reviews for my efforts.

Oh shit Rick, I just gave it to bro Walker because I didn't get a 
chance to do what I really do at the gig and you asked that I play one 
of my pieces.  Instead I did bad stand up comedy about manuals with my 
second in comedy Kim.

The highlights of my music making have been when someone else records 
my music.  I'm most proud of my teaching career and the highlight of 
that was maybe keeping a few Hispanic students from joining the Army 
over the past few years.
> But you know what?   I've finally realized that I have to do music for 
> the sake of doing music.  I've realized that I have to completely let 
> go of people liking what I do.  It was hurting the quality of my art 
> to constantly be insecure about how it is recieved.

My self esteem is very slow.  You know something Tim and Rick, I just 
absolutely don't give a crap what people think of me.  I don't even 
pluck my ear hair half the time.  My wife does it while I drive and it 
has almost caused an accident once.
> Low self esteem?   I have plenty of it, my friend so I can really 
> relate how you feel.
> Insecurity?   You betcha!!!!

I am such a hyena that I wouldn't take me seriously until we talk about 
what the hell is going on in the world.  All of this music stuff, I am 
therefore I do and I never waste time asking for opinions.  I was just 
screwing with you in a friendly way, that's all.
> It just goes with the territory.
> soooooooooooooooooooo,  I'll get to your CD when I have time (and my 
> last incredible several month run of hard work finally came to an end 
> in Nashville last week, when I promptly got a bad cold that I've had 
> ever since.
> I promise you, I will.

Let's do lunch.  I'll have Igor call your lab rat.
> In the meantime,  buck up, man!!!!!   It's just not personal,  I 
> promise you.
> Keep doing your artistry.  It's a very good thing!  I'll get back to 
> you.

Rick, I'm surprised at you!  You need lessons from the master of stupid 
aesthetic banter.  Damn if I don't think it's all a joke.  All you guys 
are too serious.  Please Brother no serious stuff.  No bucking up 
except to go for a recount and the New world order.  We are all clowns 
and not the Steven King kind.
Yours in psychology and face paint,

Larry Cooperman
New Millennium Guitar