Good thoughts, Ted…you have a
kindred spirit residing in So. Cal., I can tell you that!
In my opinion, there are deeper currents
of why we feel we ‘come up short’., but
that’s a long winded thread that is terribly off topic and probably too
personal for the wonder that is the internet.
IMO, we move forward on things we continue
to find interesting, fulfilling and ‘fun’. Or for more selfish reasons such as
money, power, adulation, etc. I
feel most of us here are driven by the former. That and a serious case of G.A.S.,
There is no way you would have traveled the
distance you did to perform at the loopfests, if you
felt the only thing you were going to get out of it was expressing to the world
your shortcomings. Something motivated
you. I guess what I’m saying
is that “that” is apparent in your work. So hearing you slag yourself (which you
are humorously very good at) doesn’t suit you!
How much ‘better’ would you
have to be to be part of the ‘grand scheme of things’? Aren’t we really all part of the grand
Ok, back to my dinner and martini…hehe…damn, I’m making good martini’s
Sent: Monday, November 15, 2004
Subject: Re: Left-handed
Compliments From Off the Wall
In a message dated 11/15/04 18:22:54, email@example.com writes:
False modesty can be just as egocentric
as false bravado…
Would that it were "false." I guess I just expect a lot of myself
and always find I come up way short. I'd have no trouble ever
having a "big head" about anything I do or have done if I could
only ever manage to feel quite good enough about any of it
to have one. Far from being "falsely modest," I like to think of
myself as a rather unavoidably compulsive unflinching realist
who can't help but face up to the knowledge (in his heart of hearts)
that, even though he enjoys the "putzing around" musically it's
not great art, nor particularly meaningful in the "grand scheme
of things" -- and never will be (even though that would be
my fondest wish). Therefore, I find it much more useful, when
I spy my reflection in a mirror (or in the mirror of my own work)
to be the first to see the object worthy of ridicule that is there,
stick a pin in my own balloon (of an ego) and laugh at my own
prideful conceit, ignorance and stupidity. Then, move on and try
to do better. It's not an affectation. It's the real me folks.
Maybe that IS egocentric. But it's an honest sort of egocentricity.
tEd ® kiLLiAn
Ted Killian's "Flux Aeterna" is also available at: Apple iTunes,
BuyMusic, Rhapsody, MusicMatch, MusicNet, DiscLogic, Napster,
AudioLunchbox, Lindows, QTRnote, Music4Cents, Etherstream,
RuleRadio, EMEPE3, Sony Connect, CatchMusic, Puretracks,
and Viztas. Yadda, yadda, yadda, blah, blah, blah. So???