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>     There have been many a times I've placed one ear up to a thick metal
> pole and banged on it to hear "what's going on inside of it"...
I know what you mean. :)
> Does anybody out there know how to make a decent contact
> mic. Searching on the net has come to a dead end. There aren't even any 
>good
> explanations as to what a contact microphone is.
you wanna look for info on Richard Lerman. He's the guru on that topic. 
Search the net. You might start here:
        http://music.dartmouth.edu/~kov/soundArt/plinky.html
*       Michael Peters:         mpeters@csi.com
*       escape veloopity:               electronic guitar loop music
*       hop - fractals in motion:       strange attractors
*       http://www.mpeters.de/mpeweb