Re: why do we play live?

[ArsOcarina@aol.com]

Well,

As some one who just played Y2K3 last night and who is currently 
listening to the live stream of Billy "Gee-tar Man" Walker -- sweeping 
the floor of all other pretenders -- I have to say definatively . . . 

I dunno . . .

It's a kind of "mountain" that I psych myself up to climb a half dozen 
times (sometimes more, sometmes less) a year. I am very seldom 
ever satisfied with these "climbing" experiences. I too often go ill 
prepared (or equipped) and wind up sliding halfway down a glacier 
on my sorry ass. Sometimes it happens even when I am perfectly 
well prepared and outfitted too. 

The rare "satisfying" performances seem to come entirely at 
random and unexpectly. There seems to be no "science" to it. All 
of my disciplined preperations (if and when I apply myself) seem 
to have little to no affect on the outcome actually. They seem 
to amount to little more than a more elaborate form of "crossing 
my fingers" and/or some sort of offeratory to the gods of "guilt" 
and "responsibility." And . . . I don't want t let anyone down.

I suppose I perform live because I keep hoping for that next repeat
of the rare, blissful, play-my-ass-off, my-fingers-can-do-no-wrong,
where-the-hell-is-this-music-coming-from (surely not me?) experience.
For only having had a taste of it a few times I am still certainly addicted 
nonetheless. I need it now as surely as a junky needs a fix.

But why? God, I wish I knew. Sometimes I think I'd go into rehab and 
"take the cure" to be rid of it for all the grief it's caused me. Then,
at other times, I'd trade my left nut to taste of that bliss again.

Best regards,

tEd ® kiLLiAn

PS. Buy "Flux Aeterna" from CDBaby during the months of September
and October and all of my portion of the profits will be automatically
donated to the Red Cross by CDBaby specifically for Gulf Coast
hurricane relief.

"Different is not always better, but better is always different"

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and Viztas. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Blah, blah, blah. So???