Re: Scary Situations

["Miko Biffle" <biffoz@arczip.com>]

>>> David wrote: "I had a nasty and humiliating experience in Berkeley a 
>few
years ago when Henry Kaiser and John Oswald invited me to participate in a
noise-type event... I knew when I got there that I didn't really belong, 
but
it wouldn't have been appropriate to split so I stayed and gave it my best
shot.

> Scary.  How did you know when you arrived that you didn't belong?  Was
everyone dressing like the guest list at an art school concert?

In my experience, the knowledge comes after that first ambient/noise intro,
when things start to settle into a 'decision' among the players... if there
is NO decision, and the noise just continues, then I'm probably in the 
wrong
place. Although there are times when I'm really at home with just texture
and noise, but I'm very much into 'melodic' statements and motifs, however
disjointed.

> I think about when I've been in scary situations.  My first impulse is
usually, "Well, it can't get any worse.  At this point I have absolutely
nothing to lose.  So I'm gonna dig in and hold on."  Then my more sensible
brain kicks in and I decide whether I'm going to play quietly and not get 
in
anybody's way or loudly and make an impression.  But then I taught myself
guitar after having nightmares about not being able to play guitar and 
being
on stage and having a guitar solo.  Man, it can never get worse than that.

I'll usually stand back and let the other players dig their own hole... 
then
figure out how to add some defining statement over it, or come crashing in
with what turns out to be a transitional element.

> I can get tense on stage but I never have actual stage fright because I
tell myself:
> 1. The audience didn't come to hear me suck. So they will be charitable.
> 2. If I suck then the folks I'm playing will also suck.  So they will do
their best to keep my head above water.
> 3. Some people have in the past enjoyed some of my most desperate 
>moments.
> 4. The worst experiences make the best stories.
> 5. It's only a gig.
> Remember what PT Barnum said, "I don't care what they say about me as 
>long
as they spell my name right."

I use these axioms to console myself as well, but for me it can hurt to be
at odds with what's going on too many times in a row. It's just not
constructive. I think David said it in a previous post... I'm too weird and
outside for *normal* folks, and too structured and melodic for the
non-idomatic free-improv gang. Rick described the singer-songwriter gig he
attended, which sounds very much like what I'm heading for with my music...
references and transitions that are improvised and post-modern electronic,
hiding in conventional songwriting.

Here's one for ya'll... how about when you're playing a SOLO gig, and you
realize that you *still* don't fit in? 8-)  (not schizophrenic, but one can
hope... )

Miko Biffle -- "Running scared from all the usual distractions..."
C'mon over to MySpace! www.myspace.com/biffozz
Now playing 'Rough' www.cdbaby.com/biffoz
The Chain Tape Collective! www.ct-collective.com/