From: tEd ® KiLLiAn <tedkillian@charter.net>
To: Loopers-Delight@loopers-delight.com
Sent: Fri, February 18, 2011 5:11:16 PM
Subject: Re: Total Improv
Andy,
On Feb 18, 2011, at 6:16 AM, Andy Owens wrote:
> On Feb 18, 2011, at 9:07 AM, "Rick Walker" <
looppool@cruzio.com> wrote:
>
>> walk onto
>> stage without a thought in my head and then just follow what comes out.
>
> Man that would scare the sh_t out of me and I'm not cursing, take that literally!!!!
>
> But, I'm getting there!!!
>
> Andy o
This is, essentially, what I've been doing since 1987.
It's hard, and it's often inconsistent when it comes to the end result - how could it help but be.
Real improvisation is always, always, always emotionally cathartic and physically draining.
There is almost no way to prepare for it either.
Some of the gigs I've spent the most time "woodshedding" for have turned out the worst.
Some of the gigs I've prepared
for the very least (or not at all) have turned out the absolute best.
But if it happens to be a situation where I am playing WITH other performers (or perhaps traveling a good distance to play for someone's festival) it's hard to set aside the "common sense" feeling that that you **owe** it to them to "bone up" and put in the time preparing anyway.
So I frequently do . . . and sadly with the same predictable (lackluster) result.
In order to overcome this, one key (for me) seems to be to set aside all sense of expectation . . . and any and all need to prove myself to anyone - not an easy thing for an often over-sensitive and insecure person like myself.
There is a sort of basic cognitive dissonance between the ideal of total improvisation (on the one hand) and expectation of some particular end result . . . call it "success" or whatever (on the other).
In order to be able to do it "right," it seems that you need
to **not care** about doing it "right" . . . or any other aspect of the end result at all . . . and enter a mind-space where process itself is everything.
This is not the way the common everyday world works for most of us.
Our jobs (whatever they are) and our relationships (whatever those are) all scream at us to perform to someone's expectations (if not out own).
By nature, we don't really inhabit a world that allows us to simply be ourselves.
That is the way it is for me at least.
Art and music are a way of pursuing it . . . indirectly.
Musical improv, or painterly improv (I've done both) are both like child's play.
Children, at least early on . . . before they get "ruined" by us grown-ups . . . find it easier to get into the head-space where they can play and simply enjoy the process of playing and **not care** or compare what the end result may be.
There is no "right" way to make a mudpie . . .
or knock down a stack of blocks . . . or make funny noises with your lips (LOL).
Overcoming the fear of live improv involves becoming a child again in many ways.
At least it is for me.
And at 57 (almost 58) it is becoming harder and harder to do.
Perhaps when dementia finally sets in I will (finally) be brilliant at it though . . . LOL.
Cheers,
Ted
