Re: Liking/Disliking your own music

[David Gans <david@trufun.com>]

I have developed a practice of "no bad gigs": taking each performance on 
its own terms and giving what is required. My attitude is that any time I 
am being paid to play, or I have been invited to play, it is a good thing 
and there is something to be gained form the experience: money, applause, 
practice, what not to do next time, etc. I play lots of different kinds of 
gigs. Some scenes are more song-oriented, e.g. a house concert where my 
own compositions are the central focus; at the Farmers' Market gigs (which 
I love), I play lots of familiar songs - old favorites from my youth, etc. 
and I'm free to do a 20-minute loop piece because no one is there 
specifically to hear me and I am just incidental to the market experience. 
And so on.

Next Saturday I have a gig at the Iron Springs Pub in Fairfax, California. 
I played there the other night with Rubber Souldiers, a "Beatles jam band" 
I do for fun (and money) with a couple of other guys. We had a fine time, 
with a good crowd, and between the modest pay and a full tip jar my share 
was $117. Saturday's gig will be different: the 49ers' playoff game will 
be happening at the same time, in another part of this one big room. The 
owner of the brewpub wants me to do it anyway, and sort of apologized in 
advance for the weirdness I am likely to experience. I have talked about 
my "no bad gigs" philosophy with him before, and I said I'll be fine. My 
wife and I will have a nice meal, I'll take home a few bucks, and I'll 
probably spend a good part of the 2-hour gig doing loop improv, which I 
will record and (if all goes well) develop into a new piece. The football 
fans will not pay attention to me, and I will return the favor. There will 
be a few other people in the room who are listening to me and not watching 
the Niners, and that will be sufficient.

I come from the Grateful Dead music culture, which has a long tradition of 
recording everything, so I have a long-term practice of listening to my 
performances to find out what worked and what didn't. These days the 
technology makes it super easy to listen to last night's show on my way to 
today's. I am pretty good at listening in a detached way, and I know I 
hear a lot more flaws than the audience is likely to notice. As long as my 
own standard is higher than the one I have to meet as a performer, I will 
continue to improve. I am pretty much at the top of my game these days, so 
I hardly ever hear anything cringe-worthy in these playbacks. For me, the 
question has more to do with, Did I gig the gig what it needed from me?