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Plagiarized from Ray Ashley's post on the taptalk list: >"this just in (from an auknown, but very witty source): > >Presenting Ken Burns' 144-hour Extremely Important documentary, "Jazz." > > >Fade up on a grainy old photograph of a man in a three-piece suit, > >holding a cornet. Or a bicycle horn, it's hard to tell. > > > >Narrator: Skunkbucket LeFunke was born in 1876 and died in 1901. No > >one who heard him is alive today. The grandchildren of the people who > >heard him are not alive today. The great-grandchildren of the people > >who heard him are not alive today. He was never recorded. > > > >Wynton Marsalis: I'll tell you what Skunkbucket LeFunke sounded like. > >He had this big rippling sound, and he always phrased off the beat, and > >he slurred his notes. And when the Creole bands were still playing > >De-bah-de-bah-ta-da-tah, he was already playing > >Bo-dap-da-lete-do-do-do-bah! He was just like gumbo, ahead of his time. > > > >Announcer: LeFunke was a cornet player, gambler, card shark, pool > >hustler, pimp, male prostitute, Kelly Girl, computer programmer, brain > >surgeon and he invented the internet. > > > >Stanley Crouch: When people listened to Skunkbucket LeFunke, they heard > >Do-do-dee-bwap-da-dee-dee-de-da-da-doop-doop-dap. And they knew even > >then how deeply profound that was. > > > >Announcer: It didn't take LeFunke long to advance the art of jazz past > >its humble beginnings in New Orleans whoredom with the addition of a > >bold and sassy beat. > > > >Wynton: Let me tell you about the Big Four. Before the Big Four, jazz > >drumming sounded like BOOM-chick-BOOM-chick-BOOM-chick. But now they > >had the Big Four, which was so powerful some said it felt like a Six. A > >few visiting musicians even swore they were in an Eight. > > > >Stanley: It was smooth and responsive, and there was no knocking and > >pinging, even on 87 octane. > > > >Wynton: Even on gumbo. > > > >Announcer: When any musician in the world heard Louis Armstrong for the > >first time, they gnawed their arm off with envy, then said the angels > >probably wanted to sound like Louis. When you consider a bunch of > >angels talking in gruff voices and singing "Hello Dolly," you realize > >what a stupid aspiration that is. > > > >Gary Giddy: Louis changed jazz because he was the only cat going > >Do-da-dep-do-wah-be-be, while everyone else was doing > >Do-de-dap-dit-dit-dee. > > > >Stanley: And that was very profound. > > > >Marsalis: Like gumbo. > > > >Stanley: Uh-huh. > > > >Matt Glaser: I always have this fantasy that when Louis performed in > >Belgium, Heisenberg was in the audience and he was blown away and that's > >where he got the idea for his Uncertainty Principle. > > > >Marsalis: Because the Uncertainty Principle, applied to jazz, means you > >never know if a cat is going to go Dap-da-de-do-ba-ta-bah or > >Dap-da-de-do-bip-de-beep. > > > >Wynton: Louis was the first one to realize that. > > > >Stanley: And that can be very profound. > > > >Stanley: I thought it was a box of chocolates... > > > >Announcer: The Savoy Ballroom brought people of all races colors and > >political persuasions together to get sweaty as Europe moved closer and > >closer to the brink of World War II. > > > >Savoy Dancer: We didn't care what color you were at the Savoy. We only > >cared if you were wearing deodorant. > > > >Stanley: Wynton always wears deodorant. > > > >Glaser: I'll bet Arthur Murray was on the dance floor and he was > >thinking about Louis and that's where he got the idea to open a bunch of > >dance schools. > > > >Stanley: And that was very profound. > > > >Giddy: Let's talk about Louis some more. We've wasted three minutes of > >this 57-part documentary not talking about Louis. > > > >Wynton: He was an angel, a genius, much better than Cats. > > > >Stanley: He invented the word "Cats." > > > >Wynton: He invented swing, he invented jazz, he invented the telephone, > >the automobile and the polio vaccine. > > > >Stanley: And the internet. > > > >Wynton: Very profound. > > > >Announcer: Louis Armstrong turned commercial in the 1930s and didn't > >make any more breakthrough contributions to jazz. But it's not PC to > >point that out, so we'll be showing him in every segment of this series > >to come, even if he's just doing the same things as the last time you > >saw him. > > > >Glaser: I'll bet Chuck Yeager was in the audience when Louis was hitting > >those high Cs at the Earle Theater in Philadelphia, and that's what made > >him decide to break the sound barrier. > > > >Stanley: And from there go to Pluto. > > > >Wynton: I'm going to make some gumbo- > > > >Stanley: BOOM-chick-BOOM-chick-BOOM-chicka?|a?| > > > >Giddy: Do-yap-do-wee-bah-scoot-scoot-dap-dap...That's what all the cats > >were saying back then. > > > >Announcer: In 1964, John Coltrane was at his peak, Eric Doolphy was in > >Europe, where he would eventually die, the Modern Jazz Quartet was > >making breakthrough recordings in the field of Third Stream Music, Miles > >Davis was breaking new barrier with his second great quintet, and > >Charlie Mingus was extending jazz composition to new levels of > >complexity. But we're going to talk about Louis singing "Hello Dolly" > >instead. > > > >Stanley: Louis went, > >Ba-ba-yaba-do-do-dee-da-bebin-doo-wap-deet-deet-do-da-da. > > > >Wynton: Sweets went, > >Scoop-doop-shalaba-yaba-mokey-hokey-bwap-bwap-tee-tee-dee. > > > >Giddy: I go, Da-da-shoobie-doobie-det-det-det-bap-bap-baaaaa... > > > >Announcer: The rest of the history of jazz will be shown in fast forward > >and will occupy exactly seven seconds. --There, that was it. Now here > >are some scenes from Ken Burns' next documentary, a 97-part epic about > >the Empire State Building, titled "The Empire State Building." > > > >"It is tall and majestic. It is America's building. It is the Empire > >State Building. Dozens of workers gave their lives in the construction > >of this building." > > > >Matt Glaser: I'll bet that they were thinking of Louis as they were > >falling to their deaths. I have this fantasy that his high notes > >inspired the immenseness of the Empire State Building. > > > >Wynton Marsalis: I'll bet most people who'd fall off the Empire State > >Building would go "Aaaaaahhhh!" But these cats went > >"Dee-dee-daba-da-da-bop-bop-de-dop-shewap-splat!" > > > >"That's next time on PBSa?|"