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Looper's Delight
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Hello all, Just a note from one of the shoe-gazeriest shoe-gazers on the planet. It's me. I'm guilty as charged (I suppose). I try . . . really I do . . . but I just don't possess the scintillating personality that some of you do. I can only beg an audience's forgiveness and kind indulgence whenever I perform. It's sad but true. I am not an extrovert by any means and I'm about as likely to start doing Pete Townshend windmills or Van Halen stage- leaps as I would be to sprout wings and fly. Face-paint, black leather and spandex are right out . . . as well as moon-walking, hip-shaking or pelvic thrusting. I look ridiculous enough on stage already and I'm not doing this for laughs. Part of it is personality, part of it is age (and . . . ahem . . . physique). However, I am still quite aware of how an audience has a very legitimate expectation of being entertained -- or at least being given good cause for having spent the money and time to come out on a cold night. I sympathize with them. I really do. And, I don't wanna disappoint 'em. I am not the possessor of such a prodigious instrumental technique that a spotlight on my digits would be much of a diversion for anybody. Nor are my "compositional" chops all that great (be it improvised or written out). Anybody really following what I'm playing (note by note and musical idea by musical idea) with any real knowledge of music theory under their caps would undoubtedly laugh their arses off. My music is not particularly ground-breaking in any aspect either, when it comes right down to it. There is no "grand vision" driving my efforts. I wish there were. If I knew where the heck I was going maybe I'd GET somewhere (heheh). Nor am I working out of a particular retrospective musical "heritage" (other than a general sort of rock-ish one). I am a misfit and a mongrel . . . and not a particularly attractive one. Dang! A lot of my music is downright ugly and most unpleasant (not all but quite a bit). At least that's what my wife and kids always tell me. Well, what in blue blazes am I doing it for? And, why would an audience want to experience me/this in person? That's the perennial question we should all always be asking ourselves. Isn't it? So, in my sympathy/empathy for an audience's hard-earned money and precious time, just what then is it that I have to offer them? There's not much left is there? It would seem so. But, perhaps looks aren't everything. Maybe all I have to offer translates into a lot of misguided, loud and unrelenting noise to some hearers. Some folks I just cannot reach with the equipment God gave me. But I do TRY to reach some of them . . . maybe it's with just a certain kind of "honesty" and "intensity" . . . maybe it's emotional, maybe it's visceral (I dunno). I try to present something authentic, not made up, not pretended. I try to just (and this is going to sound very cliche) "BE in the moment" with as much raw, unvarnished, human vulnerability as I can muster . . . and convey it THROUGH the music as best I can. This can happen even when the "tech gremlins" attack (heheh, speaking of my own set at Y2K3). I had a processor go down inexplicably. I spent a few minutes trying to suss the reason and could not. So, I went ahead and played anyway with a very dirty, distorted, clipped, noisy sound. Oh well. As it turns out I probably performed about as unselfconsciously and "in the moment" as I ever have at one of these things. Who knows if it was "any good" or not? Some people stood and clapped at the end. That's all I ever really hope for. Possibly a good many more ran (or dove) for the doors early on. It was dark, I didn't notice. But, I was satisfied. I felt I had acquitted myself semi-nobly under the circumstances. So, why am I saying all this? To justify myself? To pat myself on the back? To make excuses for not improving myself? In a word, no. I mention the one primary aspect that I focus on in my own performances only to point out what it is I look for in others performances. And, I kinda suspect that this is an aspect that not many others posters will bring up. Heavens! There's tons of ways we all could improve in terms of our "presentation" technically. I will be reading these posts avidly to see what I can pick up and ad (if I am able) from all this good advice. But, the thing that bothers me most about some performances is I don't sense anything from the performer through the music. It sometimes seems empty and mechanical. Hey! We all use machines to make music, so that's not what I'm talking about. It's not a matter of tweaking the "humanize" knob on a drum track. I sense the performer is involved with the "tasks" of making music but not invested in the music itself . . . not enthralled with it. Not overcome by it. It has nothing to do with composition vs. improvisation either. It's sort of an intangible thing and more than likely just an erroneous, overly-romantic notion about art-making that I have from my days as a naive college art student. I just don't "feel" anything from some performers. Sounds silly maybe . . . but it's true. I sense a lack of **PASSION.** To me it was the thing present in the most "successful" sets at any of these festivals (Loopstock, Y2K2, Y2K3 . . . whatever). The particular type of music made may (or may not) have been my personal "cup of tea" . . . but I always respond to someone who seems to be really "connected" to what they are doing and/ or creating. There's a kind of "spiritual" authenticity about it. I know that sounds rather psuedo-religious. I don't mean it to. I just don't have other terms for it. But you can sorta tell when a performer's muse is present -- and their either dancing with it or clobbering it and wrestling it to the floor (like me) or they're just sorta going through the motions. Playing AT music (not WITH it). I don't know what more to say. Some of us need to work on this . . . me sometimes too. But, some need it a little more than others. As for me and all the other advice I'll garner from this thread, I will definitely try simplifying my rack, lose a few more pounds, buy a good book of jokes, change my hair color, invest in a slightly more colorful wardrobe (than my usual black sweatshirt and jeans) and possibly borrow my oldest son's leopard print fez and shades. Waddya think? If I look at the audience, smile more and drool on myself (and my guitar) less will that help? I am very thankful for folks who put these sorts of fests on BTW. I benefit a lot from the camaraderie. I also thank Rick for starting this thread. Hope I didn't step on too many toes. Oh , , , and it was me with the telephone EQ fadeout (2 points). Heheh. Best, tEd ® kiLLiAn http://www.pfmentum.com/flux.html http://www.CDbaby.com/cd/tedkillian http://www.guitar9.com/fluxaeterna.html