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play guitar like a drum



Tapping the collective:
 
Is there a simple way to make an acoustic/electic guitar sound more like drum when you beat on it, or more like a bass even if it's tuned down a whole step and you're playing with the pad of your thumb? How about at the same time, hmm?
 
I'm talking hardware, specifically footswitch-ware, not software... that'd be too easy! Will one of those cheapo 7-band EQ's work? Never tried one... I'm wary. Ideas? Common practices?
 
David