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Hi, my name is Alexander Van Schtellten, and I subscribe to the Loser's
Delete mailing list. I have three undergraduate degrees, which I
collected between between VERY brief tenures with various bands "around
town" Every day, my mailbox gets filled to the brim with heated
discussions about the relative advantages of various prohibitively
expensive electronic sound manipulation devices. I am an emotionally
under-developed, and compensationally cereberal, pseudo-artist with poor
social skills, who is either too egotistical, too insecure, or just too
deaf to share a stage or to understand the value of collaborating with
other musicians. Perhaps I have given up on finding the right
combination, or hide behind the delusion that my musical profundity
exceeds the abilities of all those guys who seem to be able to pack clubs
despite their "barbarian" and simplistic overtures.
Consequentially, I fantasize about a device which will allow me maximum
control over every feature of a musical piece, knowing that, until the day
that a replicator is perfected to instantly clone humans, this is as close
as I can get to the ultimate dream of an entire orchestra of only me
playing every note exactly how I imagine it. The closer the manufacturers
of electronic sound manipulation devices get to realizing this dream,
however, the more critical I become, and the more impatient I become as
well, because I realize that the absolute elimination of randomness and
chaos is inherently impossible in a universe such as this, and it is this
realization that makes me wail like a banshee, or, more to the point, like
an infant who has wet his bed and realizes he is helpless to prevent it.
Come see me play at this coffe shop/art gallery/library lobby, to people
who either stare off into space, nod "appreciatively", or just ignore me
completely. That's just fine. It only!
proves I'm way beyond them.
Respect, right back atcha, Jamie.