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loser's delete

Hi, my name is Alexander Van Schtellten, and I subscribe to the Loser's 
Delete mailing list.  I have three undergraduate degrees, which I 
collected between between VERY brief tenures with various bands "around 
town"  Every day, my mailbox gets filled to the brim with heated 
discussions about the relative advantages of various prohibitively 
expensive electronic sound manipulation devices.  I am an emotionally 
under-developed, and compensationally cereberal, pseudo-artist with poor 
social skills, who is either too egotistical, too insecure, or just too 
deaf to share a stage or to understand the value of collaborating with 
other musicians.  Perhaps I have given up on finding the right 
combination, or hide behind the delusion that my musical profundity 
exceeds the abilities of all those guys who seem to be able to pack clubs 
despite their "barbarian" and simplistic overtures.  

   Consequentially, I fantasize about a device which will allow me maximum 
control over every feature of a musical piece, knowing that, until the day 
that a replicator is perfected to instantly clone humans, this is as close 
as I can get to the ultimate dream of an entire orchestra of only me 
playing every note exactly how I imagine it.  The closer the manufacturers 
of electronic sound manipulation devices get to realizing this dream, 
however, the more critical I become, and the more impatient I become as 
well, because I realize that the absolute elimination of randomness and 
chaos is inherently impossible in a universe such as this, and it is this 
realization that makes me wail like a banshee, or, more to the point, like 
an infant who has wet his bed and realizes he is helpless to prevent it.  
Come see me play at this coffe shop/art gallery/library lobby, to people 
who either stare off into space, nod "appreciatively", or just ignore me 
completely.  That's just fine.  It only!
 proves I'm way beyond them.   


Respect, right back atcha, Jamie.